Life is a Moldy Tangerine
by AmazinglyMe
Summary: Sirius finds a fuchsia, fuzzy alien under Prongs' bed and the Marauders proceed to investigate the situation. Somehow socks and moldy tangerines come into play and a perfectly good Saturday is ruined. But then, it is the Marauders.


_A/N: The Marauders being, as usual, distinctly odd. Please let me know what you think of it. :) _

* * *

"Erm, Prongs?" Inquired a disembodied voice. James Potter sat up and scanned his dormitory room for some sign of where the voice had come from. 

"What?" He asked of the room at large, still unsuccessfully trying to discover the source of his mysterious wake-up call.

"Look." Sirius said in utter reverence, emerging from under his best friend's bed holding something that was bright, bright fuchsia and vaguely familiar. "It's like a...an alien! Prongs, we're being contacted by another planet! Ha! I always knew I wasn't of this earth!"

"Padfoot only the human race could produce someone – or something – as strange as you." Remus Lupin grumbled from his four poster, his face buried in pillows. "Now shut up and go back to sleep. It's Saturday."

"How can you even think of sleep when we're being contacted by...by Martians or something? Hey, Wormtail, you think I could be a Martian?"

The small boy seemed to seriously consider this for a few moments from the warmth of his bed, his head cocked on one side. Finally, after some thought, he shook his head. "I would think you'd be from Pluto or something. Mars is to obvious."

"Good point." Sirius said in agreement, still holding the mysterious fuchsia object between his thumb and index finger and examining it in wonder. "Look Prongs, its fuzzy and everything! It's got fur!"

James was staring in dawning recognition at the startlingly fuchsia object Sirius had fished out from underneath his four poster. "Er, yes. Amazing." He said awkwardly, still staring at it.

"Its beyond amazing! It's a new species! We'll be world famous, renowned all over the country, all over the continent! The Marauders: fabulous pranksters, astoundingly good-looking, and now zoologists."

Having long ago given up on getting any more sleep, Remus too sat up and made his own contribution to the discussion. "Is it really zoology when its from another planet? I mean, shouldn't that have its own name?"

James was still staring at the object held carefully in Sirius' hands. "Why Prongsy," Sirius said, really focusing on his best friend for the first time, "do you know this alien?"

Three faces turned to stare at James, who immediately turned a rather compromising shade of red. "No." He said immediately.

"Give it here Padfoot." Remus demanded.

Sirius reluctantly handed over his new alien friend to Remus, who examined it closely. He dangled it upside down. He turned it around a few times.

"Look!" Peter squeaked in excitement, jumping up for his own encounter with the mystifying object. "It's got a hole in the bottom!"

"Maybe it's the mouth." Sirius suggested musingly to James. "It has to eat somehow right? Although it could be one of those animals that eats through absorption or something. You know, sucks in food." When James didn't respond Sirius took it upon himself to demonstrate, lying down on the floor and making sucking noises.

"You know like 'shlooop!' and then stuff sort of comes in through its skin. Shhhlooop!" Sirius looked hopefully at his best friend, whose gaze was still riveted on the strange, fuchsia thing. Finally, after much deliberation, Remus reverently put the thing down on the mattress next to him. "It's a sock." He said in awe.

"A what!" Sirius asked, shocked.

"A sock." Remus repeated in tones of utter disbelief.

Amazed, Remus, Sirius, and Peter all took in this new revelation with no small amount of wonder.

"You mean..." Sirius said finally, trying his best to wrap his mind around the concept. "You mean that someone goes around with not just one, but two, of those fuzzy things on their feet all day?"

"Yes Padfoot." Remus replied. "That is exactly what I mean."

More staring ensued. James still had not said anything.

"This isn't your sock is it Prongs?" Sirius asked, in sudden horror, the idea obviously just occurring to him.

"No!" James said, in such disgust and disbelief that the other three boys discarded the thought. "How could you even think – ?"

"Sorry Prongsy." Sirius said sheepishly. "But it was under your bed..."

"Yes..." Said Remus slowly, turning to look at his friend. "Which begs the question, if its not Prongs' how did it get there? And who's is it? And why is there only one of them?"

"That isn't really just one question Moony, it's three. So you probably should have said 'which begs the questions...'" Peter broke off when he realized no one was paying him any attention whatsoever.

James was startlingly pale. "Erm, maybe it was Peeves." He suggested.

"I think this looks like a collector's item..." Sirius said, grinning impishly. "In fact, almost like the sort of thing that might belong to our dear friend, Ms. Evans."

By now all three of the boys were turning towards James' four poster with distinctly evil looks on their faces. James was far more pale than any living person ought to be. "Let's not be to hasty to jump to conclusions." He urged, slipping down from his bed and standing in front of it. "One sock means nothing in the grand scheme of things..."

Seconds later three boys were diving under James Potter's four poster, calling out to each other as they did so.

"Wormtail that's my foot!"

"Oof, watch my head. Yours may not be important to you, but mine is important to me!"

"That was my finger you just squished."

"Ooh, look, an earring!"

"Prongsy is this all Lily's?"

"You could've thought of a better hiding place."

Eventually the boys had amassed a pile of items from beneath James' four poster. Numerous earrings (none from the same pair), several socks (again, none matching), a corner of Charms homework, and a lock of hair.

"Prongs," Remus said, digging through the pile and unearthing an overdue library book notice from 3rd year, "did you always just take one thing from every pair?"

James just sat, staring at his stash which sat in the middle of Sirius' four poster being dug through.

"Imagine the frustration the poor girl must have gone through. One of everything. How annoying must it be to only have one earring?"

"I wouldn't know, would you Wormtail?"

With glee the boys searched through the pile of things until breakfast, when they all trooped downstairs, still discussing it.

"I had no idea you were that hopeless Prongs."

"It is a bit obsessive."

"What were you doing dumpster-diving under my bed in the first place?"

"No comment."

"Life is a moldy tangerine."

"What!"

"I dunno, just trying to sound philosophical."

At breakfast the Marauders were first and foremost occupied with stuffing their faces with all the food in front of them, but once they had fulfilled this particular objective Sirius once again got a look of what could only be described as evil on his face. He stood from his position at the Gryffindor table and wandered down it a ways to where a certain red-headed girl was sitting.

"Evans?" He inquired.

The girl turned with a look of disgust on her face. "Black. What do you want?"

"I wanted to return something of yours." The boy replied with a grave and straight face.

James suddenly stood, his face once again becoming alarmingly white. He tried to make his way down the table but was stopped by two sets of hands grabbing his robes – Remus and Peter were in on it too.

"I'll never forgive you two." James said in abject horror as Sirius solemnly produced the sock from behind his back.

"Is that – Sirius Black did you –"

"Not me-e!" Sirius said in a sing-song voice, grinning fiendishly at his best mate. Realization didn't dawn on Lily's face. It exploded. Her eyes snapped. Her lips thinned. She was doing a remarkably good impersonation of Professor McGonagall.

"James. Potter." She said, enunciating perfectly clearly.

"There goes a perfectly good Saturday." Was all James had time to mutter before Lily arrived.

"Life," Sirius repeated thoughtfully, "is a moldy tangerine."

* * *

_A/N: As always, thanks very much for reading, and please do leave a review. Constructive crit. is always welcomed. _  



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